I feel empty inside. Numb. My receptors have shut down to stop me from feeling this all encompassing pain and hurt which has completely overwhelmed me.
Best friends shouldn't argue. They shouldn't say things which can't be taken back. But they do, and they have. And it hurts.
But now I guess everyone knows where they stand. Whether they like it or not. And whether they can accept it or not.
I do feel a sense of regret and have a very real fear that our relationship may have been damaged forever. The eternal optimist within me says that shouldn't be the case, that if our friendship really is as deep and secure as we believe, then we will move past this.
I don't know what else to say. I am sorry. I am hurting. I am here. If you want to talk to me I will listen, and of course I will continue to love you, because the kind of love I have for you can't be turned on and off like a tap. It is something which I have never experienced before, it has flooded my senses, and I like the way it makes me feel. Perhaps that is why this hurts so much, and seems so unnecessary.
Not a lot of things in my world make sense, but one thing I know is that we have connected in a way that is impossible for other people to understand. I love you to bits baby.
I can't be without you.
Mwah Ellie xxx
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