Is there anybody out there???

I've been thinking about my post from yesterday, and just wanted to pick up on one of the themes - the life of the single/solo mum.

I'm wondering if perhaps this is the way it's meant to be, just A and I against the world. Of course with our wonderful, gorgeous, loving and supportive friends.

I don't know, don't get me wrong, I would love a man in my life. In fact I have one, but he's just a friend, sometimes with benefits, but when it boils down to it, I am alone.

Sometimes that's a good thing. I can hear myself think, I can do as I choose, and I don't have to answer to anyone. It's a selfish life, but it's a lonely one. I quite like not having to answer to anyone. I really am able to do as I please, as long as it fits in with A, without having to explain myself to anyone. That has its appeal. But it comes at a price.

I also quite like the idea of having a life partner, someone to come home to, to love and spoil, and to know that they will catch me whenever - if ever - I should fall.

I guess I have that person already, he is my bestie, my rock, and my true and trusted confidante. But he is not my boyfriend. He has helped me out of trouble on numerous occasions, from small things like fixing a door or hooking up some electrical device, to helping me financially, and offering endless emotional support.

I really don't know what I would do without him. I believe he is my soulmate. But for now, and possibly forever, he is not my boyfriend/partner or whatever you like to call it.

I think I would like to try a relationship with him, just to see what happens. But I would hate for it to compromise our friendship, which is so real, so deep, and so awesome.

I guess this is one of those times one could use a crystal ball, something to help look into the future so that decisions could be made without any risk of anyone being hurt.

I can't get hurt anymore if I stay single. I won't allow it to happen, I can't go through it again.
Pain inflicted from past relationships took a long time to heal, and the scars are still visible. I don't have it in me to go through it again. And I won't allow my child to be hurt.

So perhaps I have answered my own question, it seems I am destined to be alone, maybe to become a crazy old cat lady, or a hermit, or something like that.

Meh - I guess I could get used to that!!!

Mwah Ellie xxx