What the???

I'm feeling very frustrated tonight.

I truly hate being a single mother. I hate the thought that somehow I've damaged my child through no fault of my own.

It was A's daddy's birthday today, and so I thought I was doing the right thing by making sure she got to see him to celebrate his special day. But apparently that wasn't enough. He then needed to get in touch with me at work so he could pick her up two hours earlier than agreed. I made it happen though, as I would like to think the same would be done in reverse.

He then wanted to keep her later than the agreed time, meaning A would be late to bed tonight - again I agreed given it was his birthday, but with the request that she not be filled to the brim with sugar, which would make it difficult for me to get her to bed.

However, when A got home she was filled with comments from her paternal grandmother about her having too much sugar. Disappointing to say the least.

And then, to make matters worse, I asked to meet A's daddy's new girlfriend, who has been spending quite a bit of time with A.

I was met with hostility - to say the least!!! I feel so hurt and angry that such a seemingly reasonable request was met with scorn and belittlement. I really can't believe it.

I think it seems completely reasonable that I meet the woman who is attempting to 'co-parent' my daughter. I bear her no grudges, in fact I am grateful that my daughter thinks so highly of her, it means she cares for A.

I would genuinely like to meet her, to know her, to get along - in my head it makes perfect sense.

I want A to have a sense of family, to see that families CAN get along - no matter what their composition.

And I will make it happen - for my child's sake, if nothing else.

Mwah, Ellie xxx

Feeling free

I'm feeling very enlightened of late, more in touch with my thoughts, feelings and emotions - and I highly recommend it.

There has been so much going on in my life, I've been wanting to blog, but haven't known exactly which topic I wanted to make the focus. However, today I felt the need to blog about life in general, just to give you an insight into what's making me tick at the moment.

As you will all know I've been having quite a few difficulties with men in my life in recent times, but I'm thinking that I may have turned the corner - fingers crossed!!!

I have met a very nice bloke with whom I'm enjoying spending time, and who is definitely opening my eyes to the ways of the world. He is a very clever fellow who has the ability to converse freely, and who actually listens (I know, a novel concept hey!!!). I am really enjoying his friendship, and his company seems so easy to keep. It's certainly a nice change from spending so much time alone.

On another home front, A is blossoming into a beautiful little girl, filled with love and wonder, and who never ceases to amaze me.

I love the way her mind works and I can't get enough of seeing the world through her eyes. She is such a little gem, but growing so fast. We have been spending more time just hanging out at home together, enjoying each other's company. I am so lucky to have such a clever child who really does enrich my life - or, as A was described to me yesterday - provides my 'saving grace'.

On a professional note, work has been manic at times, but enjoyable as always. I'm loving my work, and I'm lucky to have one of the best bosses you could find. It's amazing what difference enjoying your colleagues' company can make.

So it seems life is good, and I'm certainly feeling 'freer', less tied down by others and more in control of where I am heading.

I still have a couple of issues to sort out when it comes to property matters, but hopefully that can be done sooner rather than later and then A and I will be truly free to move on as we see fit.

So here's to feeling free dear readers.

Mwah, Ellie xxx