Getting my groove back

It's amazing what difference a few days make.

I haven't felt myself for the past little while, felt a bit like the world has been against me, not entirely a 'woe is me' state of mind, but definitely a touch a negativity.

I feel like I've had a heap of shit going down, property dispute, custody arguments, falling out with friends, friends going through rough spots, and finally the death of my Nan.

But I've decided that's all behind me now, I'm reverting to a previous theory of onwards and upwards from here on in.

So it's good to find myself smiling so much more, laughing all the time, and generally enjoying my life.

I am lucky to have such wonderful friends and family who love and support me. I know I only have to pick up the phone and one of them will be here, or will just listen to me on the end of the phone, and together we can work through any issues.

My life with A has also become more settled, we are getting into more of a routine, and this new routine has allowed us to really enjoy spending quality time together, doing fun mummy and daughter things. She is growing up so fast, and I am so proud of the little person she is growing into. Despite all the bad things that have happened in her short life, she has a fabulous personality and is a real character - I genuinely adore her.

I still suffer from bouts of loneliness, but again my friends have been quick to rally round, and I'm definitely making more of an effort to do things on the weekends when A is with her father.

I actually feel like the Ellie of old, the one who used to live life to the fullest - I can remember the last time I felt like this - it was the week before Anzac Day 2009. I know this because at the end of that week I found out about A's father's affair - and my life as I knew it ended.

But that passion for life, that love of living has returned, and so my spirits have soared.

So how do I harness that passion? And how do I make sure it remains?

I've decided to allow myself time for me, to do things that I really want to do. I started last night - entering fashions on the field at the Mt Gambier Harness Association's Gold Cup. I actually surprised myself by taking out 3rd place. That has done my self-confidence wonders, I have smiled all day.

I'm also exercising more, which has also made me feel better. And I'm savouring the tiny things in life that make me happy - like A telling me I'm her best friend, cosy snuggles with baby bunnies, a quick coffee or wine with friends, and just anything that brings joy.

I also try to take a moment to sit quietly in the sunshine, whenever I can (I know, I know I live in Mt Gambier, hardly the sunny centre of the world!!!), and just reflect on how great my life really is.

Incidents like Australia's East Coast floods have also made me appreciate just how awesome my life is. Those poor folks are now faced with not only the loss of loved ones, but a huge clean up as well. I can't imagine how awful that must be.

I may not have the biggest and best of everything, but I have worked hard to get what I have and I really do appreciate it.

So don't be surprised if you see me round the place beaming, or flashing a grin in your direction - and don't forget to smile back, cos it really does make you feel better.

So here's to smiles and sunshine. Mwah, Ellie xxx