Living with no regrets

I've been reminded again today of the importance of living without regrets.

My Nan died early this morning, she slipped quietly away after falling asleep yesterday and passing on to a world where I believe life is peaceful and without pain - I'm not sure if that's true or not, but it's something I have to believe.

I went to see Nan yesterday, she was asleep for most of my visit, but briefly opened her eyes to look around the room. I took her hand, kissed her soft face and told her I loved her before I left. I didn't say that I would see her again, because I knew that wasn't the case - for me it seemed obvious the end wasn't far away.

I've spent the morning thinking about the lovely times we had when I was a child. I used to sleep over occasionally with Nan and Pa, sharing many jokes and having a lot of fun. There were always delicious treats and their country house presented many opportunities for mischief.

Perhaps one of my funniest memories is of my Pa teaching me (as the eldest grandchild) to ride his motorbike. I got the hang of it no worries, but he forgot to teach me how to stop. I rode round and round the top paddock, flogging the little bike up and down hills, but when I decided I had had enough I rode back to the fence near the shed, and simply couldn't stop - the barbed wire fence stopped me though, and I still have the tiny scars on my face from that adventure.

The next time I rode it I knew how to stop, and it was part of Pa's rules that when you pulled up on the bike you revved it to make sure it was out of gear. So I pulled up outside of the shed, revved the bike, and it took off backwards - without me on it!!! This time the shed door stopped the bike - with part of the shed door being knocked off.

I ran off howling to the house, crying out for Nan, worried that Pa would be cross at me for 'breaking his shed'. Nan thought it was hilarious, and laughed so much she almost cried. I spent the rest of the afternoon hanging out with Nan, trying to avoid Pa - who really wasn't even worried about the shed door!!!

My Nan had the cheekiest smile and laugh, she could work up a real cackle when she found something amusing. She really was a funny lady.

Her decline started several years ago, following the death of my Pa. She kinda lost her will to live, and since then her life was a gradual slide towards the end.

Once she moved into the nursing home, our family and close friends started a tradition, we would meet every Tuesday at 2pm at McDonald's for coffee and cake. Often there were about 20 people there, spanning four generations of the Earl family. The wheelchair taxi would drop Nan off and we would stay for an hour, just catching up and shooting the breeze in general. My precious A will have fond memories of this time, as I will ensure she remembers her Great Nanna Earl (who happens to share A's birthday of August 3) as a funny lady, rather than the way in which I last saw her.

Nan wasn't able to make it to Maccas in the last few weeks, she was simply too ill, but the rest of us will continue to meet there when we can.

My beautiful sister and I went to visit Nan a couple of weeks ago. She couldn't talk and was propped up in bed. We talked to her, told her what was going on in our lives and then, as we went to leave, she started to cry. That just about broke my heart. She knew what was happening, and I'm pretty sure she knew she wouldn't see us again, which again just about broke my heart.

But life will go on, we will mourn Nan, we will bury her, but we will never forget her.

And I will always remember her as she was, not as what she became in the last few weeks. And this is where I come back to living without regret.

Life really is too short to live with regrets. So make the most of opportunities which present themselves to you. Love deeply and laugh often, knowing that yes you may get hurt, but then again, your actions could result in the best thing in the world happening.

Your life is what you make it - so grab what you love with both hands and NEVER let go.

Here's to living!!!

Mwah, Ellie xxx