A few weeks ago I made a pledge with myself to live in the now, meeting life's challenges head on and appreciating what exists within my world, rather than longing for what is not.
Living without regrets isn't as easy as it sounds, but I'm getting there.
I am endeavouring to embrace just being, enjoying life and its beauty, and ensuring those around me know they are loved.
I have found myself smiling more, stopping to enjoy a burst of sunshine, laughing at life's funny moments and just generally feeling more alive.
I have stopped dwelling on what I believe I am missing out on, although I still find myself thinking about my loneliness in some of my quieter moments.
I have been telling my nearest and dearest just how I feel about them, making sure they know they are very much loved and appreciated. Often it's not reciprocated, but I feel good for saying it, for letting them see that they are valued, and on a ridiculous note, I worry that if I don't tell someone I love them, and then something was to happen to them, that they would never know. Slightly bizarre, but given events in my past, completely logical to myself!!!
I have also allowed myself to take time out to just 'be'. To sit idly on the couch and watch a favourite show, or to have a sleep in, or to enjoy a drink or naughty cigarette on the front step late at night. Time to reflect has been nice, rather than rushing through my day and collapsing into bed without a few minutes to even think about anything.
I'm feeling a lot more settled, not as fearful of the future and generally happier in myself.
On the eve of my birthday I'm hoping that my next year will bring much more joy for A and I (as well as of course a settlement with my property dispute) and widespread health and happiness for my close friends and family.
Here's to the pursuit of happiness dear friends.
Mwah, Ellie xxx
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